A Thousand Words
Public Nudity

Some Fridges Are Colder Than Others

Living next to a grocery store is rough on a fridge. Depending on the keeper of said fridge, it'll either be empty or stuffed beyond capacity.

I have a neighbor who considers the grocery store to be an endless source of culinary inspiration. I've caught her browsing for christ sake. Her fridge loves her dearly because she constantly brings it all sorts of fridgeable treats. It greets her with a soothing hum, as if to say "Store a wedge of cheese? And some sausage too? Don't mind if I do!"

My fridge makes more of a hubbubbubbub sound when I'm around because it's pretty much empty. Why would I collect all sorts of things to refrigerate when the grocery store across the street already does that for me? This logic is lost on my fridge.


In case you haven't figured it out already, hubbubbubbub is fridge speak for "hhhhmmmpt!" I actually tried to teach it to say "hhmmmmpt!" since I thought that might sound more like an enthusiastic fridge-hum, but my GE Spacesaver saw right through that plan.

The beauty of moving to a new apartment is that I get to start a whole new relationship with a different set of kitchen appliances. Believe me, I won't make some of the mistakes I made with this fridge.

My first mistake was naming it Buck Rogers. "Get it? It's because you're a space-saver. A SPACE saver. Get it?"


"Your manual also says something about you being Low Profile. Does that mean you're supposed to be incognito? ...I ask because you're not."


That joke was mistake #2.

I realize refrigerators are cold by nature, but personality-wise, this one is particularly cold.