A Thousand Words
Public Nudity

The Captain

Most couples meet through work or friends, but an afternoon at the Humane Society made me wonder if there's a better way.

I was there to help a friend choose a new pet. She was looking for an adult cat, since it's harder for them to find homes as most people want to adopt kittens. I thought it was sweet of her to take that into consideration. We wandered along a long wall of cages, inspecting the cats inside. What a strange way to begin the search for a companion.

Attached to each cage was a sign with a description of the cat inside. One in particular caught my eye.

The cat's name was Captain Bluebeard, and his sign said: "The Captain is affectionate and social, giving headbutts to show his appreciation for being loved. Being enthusiastic, he would be an ideal companion."

I thought - Holy crap! That's me! ...minus the headbutts and cool title, of course.

"He is energetic and playful..." Me too!

"...enjoys affection and attention as well as some quiet downtime..." Me too!!!!!

"...and has had all of his shots" Me too!!!!!!!!

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"Get to know him and you'll fall in love today!" Uh-oh.

And that's where The Captain's method of finding love would fail me. Although, secretly, there's a hopeless romantic in this heart of mine, I tend to prefer the casual approach. You know... going on a first date, and then a second, and so on. I dream of a relationship that slowly blooms, growing in strength and beauty through the passing of time. I guess The Captain is more of a Vegas Shotgun Wedding kind of guy.

After I helped my friend choose a really sweet cat named Blossom, I noticed that The Captain was headed home with two women (TWO?!? Duuuude!). I was really happy for him, and a little envious too, quite frankly. Oh, who am I kidding. The whole polyamorous thing would be too complicated for me.

Still... I can't help thinking I should have asked The Captain if I could have his sign now that he no longer needed it.