A Thousand Words
Public Nudity

The Holiday Shift

I think we should make a list of all of the late-December holidays. I'm talking about Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, Winter Solstice... Boxing Day... Santa Lucia Day... surely there are others.

Let's make a list of them all. Then, every other year, let's all shift our chosen holiday one place down the list. On even years, we will each celebrating our chosen holiday. On odd years, we turn to the list, shifting down to the next holiday in order to learn about someone else's beliefs by celebrating their holiday with gusto.

Christians have been celebrating Christmas for hundreds of years. That's all fine and good, but come on... I think they've pretty much got that one down. In the next odd year, let's give them Hanukkah. For the next even year, they'll get Christmas back, and on the next odd year, they'll celebrate Kwanzaa. I want to see the Pope light the Mishumaa Saba. Damn straight!

And for the Jews... They'd celebrate Hanukkah in the even years. Next odd year, give 'em Kwanzaa. Then back to Hanukkah, and then, in the next, they get whatever's next on the list. Ramadan perhaps.

For all whom celebrate Kwanzaa... let's give them Christmas in the next odd year. Not only that... we should ask them to hip that sucker up a bit. Jesus! Could Christmas BE any whiter of a holiday? First on the list of changes - get rid of the red hat with the little white fluff ball at the end. Surely there's a better option - something with style.

Subtle changes to each holiday are permissible - but that's not really the point.

The point is understanding.

I know jack-squat about Kwanzaa, and that ain't right. I know jack about Hanukkah too, which is odd since I know a guy named Jack who celebrates Hanukkah. I'm certain I'm not alone in terms of cluelessness there.

I bet the average Christian can't even spell Hanukkah. Or Kwanzaa.

If you can't even spell it, how can you know anything about it - let alone having even the slightest understanding of the people who celebrate it?

For even years, celebrate your chosen holiday. For odd years, shift one down the list and celebrate that one. With gusto. Absodamnlutely.