The Ottoman
Rob: "Psssst! Hey, you."
Friend: "Who are you talking to?"
Rob: "I'm talking to your ottoman."
Friend: "You're talking to my furniture?"
Rob: "Of course I am. ...Hey, Ottoman... Wanna hear a joke?"
Friend: "...?"
Ottoman: "..."
Rob: "Do you know why the Ottoman Empire was defeated?"
Friend: "...?"
Ottoman: "...?"
Rob: "They always had their feet up!"
Friend: FACEPALM.
Ottoman: "You do realize that Donald J. Trump just became the presumptive Republican nominee for the upcoming election to be the next president of the United States, right? Thus, you are in NO position to be mocking fallen empires."
Rob (to Friend): "You've GOT to stop watching the news in here."
Needless to say, we spent the rest of the evening in stunned silence.
